NG
nAndreea woke up in the early dawn hours with abdominal pains.
I had a smooth morning, got to practice Yoga, got to write about wanting to practice Yoga and the obstacles on the way.
We went out, planned to go visit Ildi & Levente and to purchase some food from them, get some bread from the village. We get into the car, start it, Andreea’s phone rings (it’s Levente), I begin to back out of the driveway … we hear a yelp.
NG was about 6 weeks old and when we brought her home from Ildi & Levente and she was with us for just under 2 weeks. I am guessing I ran over her neck or chest … she was having trouble breathing. Andreea got to her first. There was a little hope for a very short time. I could feel her heart weakening. Within a few minutes NG was gone. She had 4 loving hands and Andreea’s tears falling on her (mine came a bit later when I placed her in the earth). She was not injured or maimed, she was not squished into a bloody pulp … she had no external injury … she struggled a bit … and then died with powerful clarity.
She was our first un-messed-up puppy … no hiccups in her early life. The first time we went to see her, on the way there, her name appeared in my consciousness. Indy refused to interact with her, Ricky took her in like a mother. She was to grow up to be a big dog.
We went to the village, sent some mail, got some bread. The old man who lives next to the post-office who we buy home-made wine from every year came to us and gifted us with a bottle of wine. We visited Ildy & Levente and came back with marvelous green food. Indy and Ricky were waiting for us at the edge of the driveway. NG was with the whole time.
… yet I am writing this post here because it doesn’t feel like NG had a chance to be with us at Bhudeva. She cried all night for two nights when we brought her home and began to settle in and wander further away from the house … but that was all.
I don’t know yet what message or gift she came to give us, but I can feel its presence. For now I am content living with it without knowing it.
Andreea’s abdominal pains disappeared immediately when NG died.
Dense, very dense.
Update from Andreea:
Angy as a boy’s name (also used as girl’s name Angy), is a variant of Angel (Greek), and the meaning of Angy is “messenger; messenger of God”.
Posted in inside You are welcome to read 1 comment and to add yours
Something of the Light
nDuring the last 2 months I’ve been once again visiting the yoga mat for some much-needed practice and regeneration. I don’t (yet) practice regularly but I have practiced a few times.
I have written before about wanting to practice from a teacher’s perspective and I want to revisit it from a practitioner’s perspective.
I’ve been wanting, among other things, to practice for many months. It’s been the most dominant thing on my mind during the last two months. That is progress. I couldn’t find space for practice during the last 2 years of transition to Bhudeva. My intentions, actions and external circumstances have finally come together to create conditions that invite practice. There are still disturbances and distractions but much less and I am constantly working to get those out of the way.
So the wish for practice has grown … and translated into actual practices. I then found myself tying to revert to an old pattern that has served me well in the past … discipline. I tried to get myself regularly on to the mat. I should say that, in almost all other aspects of my life, I am trying to loosen my grip, to let go of discipline and to flow more naturally in, to and through life. Discipline failed to get me on the mat. Not only did I not get on the mat regularly but I also injured my wish to practice. I would have to wait a longer time for the wish to resurface and carry me on to the mat.
So I am now patiently practicing wanting to practice. I only get on the mat when I have a strong impulse to do so. I do not yet know exactly what are the circumstances that lead into practice. It is probably a combination of a rested body, emotional well-being, a quiet mind (lack of disturbances – both internal and external), a quiet place, relaxed and undisturbed breathing and a probably few other subtle things I may not be conscious of. It takes time for these conditions to build up and accumulate to the point where I am compelled to get on the mat. Currently it seems like at least 2 or 3 days of reasonable flow.
My practice consists of basic S(K)LBS a href=”http://iamronen.com/category/yoga/asana/”>asana. I avoid calling on discipline to extend my practice. I practice while there is a clear momentum forward. Sometimes I complete my intended practice. Other times I do not. A peaceful and present savasana is a peak experience for me these days. When it arrives, my practice is usually over. On rare (for now) occasions I experience enough vitality to carry me through a complete asana sequence and into some pranayama and a short sitting.
These recent practices gift me a subtle and profound experience. On some levels I am in a lesser state then I have been in the past: less flexible, less strong, less breathing capacity. However I am also finding that there is something that hasn’t been diminished. I could probably think of a few ways to describe or intellectualize what it is … but those expressions (as they appear inside my mind) fall short of the experience. My flexibility, strength and breathing are temporary and fleeting features … I feel as if I am witnessing something of the light which is real and eternal. It is a comforting experience … and I am both surprised and grateful that is so readily available to me.
Posted in Yoga, Yoga & I, Yoga & Life You are welcome to read 2 comments and to add yours
The Romanian Working Class
nAn interesting read about the capitalist attack on Romania. I do not believe that unions, as the article suggests, are at the heart of the matter. Nor do I believe them to be a solution.
I believe Romania is, at its heart, a land of peasants (people of the earth) and for any social/economic/cultural development needs to take hold it has to build upon those foundations.
As for the ruling class (business and politics) I believe this is the direction to go Walking Away from the King.
The age of “jobs” is coming to an end. Moving into the future requires a rethinking of core ideas about social organization. In that sense Romanias under/slower development gives it a head start compared to many western countries … it has less “advanced baggage” to unload.
via @lifeinromania
At Home
For almost three years this post was presented at the beginning of my blog. It was set there as a wish and a reminder for a change in my life. A few days ago I decided it was finally time to let it go. I am at home now. This post is here to tell you that a lot of my energy is now … at home. Though I still write here, I write much more at Bhudeva – an online reflection of our physical home. You can find me here as well as there
Carol Deppe