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“One day I found out that personal history was no longer necessary for me and, like drinking, I dropped it… Little by little you must create a fog around yourself; you must erase everything around you until nothing can be taken for granted, until nothing is any longer for sure, or real. Your problem now is that you’re too real. Your endeavors are too real, your moods are too real. Don’t take things so for granted. You must begin to erase yourself.”
Journey to Ixtlan
Journey to Ixtlan
Shifting Weight
Some mornings, like today, I start the day by sitting in the garden with a drink and a book. when I do this I feel I set a healthy rhythm for my day, that it down-plays any unnecessary ambitions. This morning as I leaned forward to get up from the chair I noticed a shift.
My mind was already moving towards the next activities – which be called ‘work’. What caught my attention was a tension – a kind of anxiety that was not there while I was reading. I seemed to be making a move from a concept of ‘leisure’ to a concept of ‘work’. I felt I was taking on a burden. I also realized that this was an unnecessary effort – that I could bring qualities of ‘liesure’ into ‘work’. I would then enjoy the work, I would take my time doing it and would be probably do a better job.
The burden is an expression of incorrect effort – there is no need for it. It reflects habits that have formed over a long time. It reflects fears and expectations. It is hidden and subtly affecting my mind. I was able to catch in in a subtle shift in the weight of my body. It happened so fast that the mind could not get in the way – and I learned something new about myself.