“Real art is not knowing where you are going, but are listening intently to something you don’t understand. And if your ego doesn’t interfere, this something you don’t understand may guide you to much more than you ever expected.”
Robert Pirsig

October 2009

Searching

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I was a guest in Shahar’s studio this week. I attended a performance practice session – students prepared for short performances. I believe that for most of them it was a first time – and they all chose to do solo performances. After the performances, as we were sitting in a circle talking about the experiences, this image came to me. I sensed that during most of the performances there were two recurring themes: (1) there was content – a flow of creative information; (2) there was a lot of searching.

stopsearching_thin

It was interesting that both of these qualities were present regardless of the quality or quantity of creative content. Searching was happening both when there was a little/specific content and much/diverse content.

stopsearching_thick

There is something about searching that seems to distract from the present. It seems to be an action of looking away – diverting attention from what is present to what may soon come, or what we wish was there. In the performances it manifested as fleeting moments in which there was a connection – as if the searching movement was dancing around and only occasionally meeting what was present.

This sent me back to an idea of “Grazing” that came up during the first Orchard Labs project. The idea of Grazing offers a different perspective on searching – it makes searching an event & material in it’s own right. Grazing is finding searching! Grazing collects and focuses movement and brings it into the present – it establishes a connection to the creative flow of materials that is always there.

stopsearching_graze

Maybe this is one aspect of practice? Slipping in and out of this connection which changes and evolves over time? Recalling my diverse experiences in working with Shahar (as a participant and an observer) – I have a feeling that there is another magical aspect of this dynamic process. It seems that when a connection is formed, the field of creative materials actually expands. When this happens the quality of searching transforms into a quality of choosing. Where there was once a trickle that was hard to find there is now an overwhelming flood.

stopsearching_expand

I have felt this with the camera in hand:

  • I have experienced resistance to raising the camera when witnessing a performer searching.
  • I have experienced curiosity emerging inside me when witnessing a performer’s searching turn into grazing and specific materials begin to appear. For me these are special moments – they are almost prophetic – there is a buzz in the air that tells me that magic is about to happen.
  • I have experienced peace when witnessing a performer completely immersed in a creative flow. These moments are so special to witness – that I have much less interest in seeing the resulting images then experiencing them.
  • I have experienced bliss – when partaking in this process and feeling that it is not me that is taking the images – that I am an instrument in the hands of a higher force. That I am no longer searching for or connected to this creative flow, but rather that I exist in it and it is guiding me, moving my body, changing focus and releasing the shutter.
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