“I sometimes think that the only real purpose of an initial design is to evolve some sort of of plan to get one started in an otherwise confusing and complex situation.”
Bill Mollison

Permaculture: A Designer's Manual

The Edge Seems To Love Me

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Outside not much is going on, inside so much is going on

I am not inclined to do much writing … its actually not the writing that I am not inclined to do, but the thought organization required for writing

I do want to put down this bookmark for me to remember this point in time

Physical life is mostly peaceful

Emotional life is on the edge

I feel as if I’ve used myself up, there is very littlespace left before my emotional container overflows … that is where I am and have been for some months

I am taking care of myself and for now … that means I am giving less care to others

I do not have much space to contain others, I do not want to contain or compensate for anyone else

… and so some things that I kept together are now on shaky ground

it’s an honest life, not pleasant, definitely not easy … there is also relief

the more I continue on my path through life the more I am struck by what a lousy bag of ideas I was handed to make my way through life

not a criticism, but an observation … the ideas have been failing for a long time, and what few remain in-tact are also failing

society, despite all it’s superficial comfort achievements, has done a shit job

commonly-accepted views on life, nature, relationships, spirituality are superficial false promises used to cover up empty shells

my life has carried me through an unrelenting inquiry into these views, exposing their emptiness leaving me naked to finding my own way

it is a poweful journey, if I’ve been gifted with a purpose this must be it

though sometimes, like now, it would be nice if some ideas could be more resilient, giving me something to lean on for just a little longer …

but that isn’t the case, never has been …

right now I want to stay away from the edge

but the edge seems to love me

 

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