I think I read Nothing in this book is true but its exactly how things are by Bob Frissell for the first time over 10 years ago. It was pointed out to me by Shin’ar – an aromatherapist who literally came into my life when she opened a clinic 20 meters from where I was living (she would also become Andreea’s first formative teacher). It was and continues to be a really strange book – my initial experience of it was that is was too far fetched and yet I could NOT put it down – I don’t think I’ve read any other book faster than this one. A long time ago I loaned it to someone and it never came back to me.
A few months ago Andreea attended two workshops of Theta-Healing. Before the second workshop she arranged for me to meet with their teacher – also Andrea (a single “e”-d one). Our hour together was a very pleasant and precious meeting and though she introduced me to Theta-Healing (I am not attracted to it). At the end of the meeting Andrea and I exchanged book recommendations. My recommendation to her was “Nothing in this book is true …”. When I got home I searched for her recommendation and put it on my wishlist.
Then a couple of months ago Andreea (my double “e”-d one) ordered a couple of books and asked me I wanted to add anything to the order. I reviewed my wishlist but couldn’t find anything of immediate interest. Most of the books on my list are of an educational nature – they are about learning to work with and live in different aspects of nature – and I am taking a much needed break from learning. As I reviewed my wishlist I came across Andrea’s recommendation, explored it some more and did not feel attracted to it. However I did remember my recommendation to her and decided to bring home another copy of “Nothing in this book is true … “. I explicitly told Andreea that I wanted it to be here though I wasn’t immediately interested in reading it.
When it arrived it sat around for a few weeks until I picked it up. As before the book felt bizzare (even more so then the first time I read it) and again I couldn’t put it down. Also, even though I explicitly “remembered” the book it felt like a completely new book to me this time around. This may be partially explained by it being a revised 15th edition, but I believe that it is more a reflection of the journey of change I have been on since first reading it.
This time I added another dimension to the reading of the first half of the book. The book is filled with references to controversial (as in: did or did not take place) events. As I read the first half-or-so of the book I did a lot of online-searching in an attempt to learn more about the references mentioned in it. It was an amazing experience since I could neither corroborate or disprove (or at least discount) any of the events. I could not bring a peaceful resolution about them to my mind. As I did this I realized the awkward truthfulness of the book’s title.
The book also provided me with two distinct experiences. The first two-thirds felt very esoteric … far fetched … almost but not quite too far fetched. It challenged me and opened up possibilities that did not exist before. And though to my mind these possibilities may not exist at all they leave behind enough questioning to leave my mind vitally engaged. They give hope of a larger context that can make sense when the one I am living in does not.
The last third of the book provided me with an embracing peace. I felt that the words written in it were coming out of my mouth. I felt connected – related to another being in a special way. Though I have been blessed with a few precious relationships in this life – this connection felt special because of the written words – because of a shared description of an intimate experience.
Also, the last third of the book is filled with the expression “heaven on earth” which is literally the meaning of Bhudeva – the name we have given to the place-on-earth where we decided to make our home together.
There were a few things in the book which felt strangely aligned with my life. The first one being a period from 1972 to 1974 which I will call (to avoid going into details about the book) a “period of protection”. I was born in this window of time. My birth was difficult and life challenging experience for both my mother and me … both of us alive as I write these words.
The second one was the first Iraq war in 1991 – which according to the author was a unique event due to the immense unity around the world against one man. I was drafted into the army (having at the time lived as an ~18 year old male in Israel) shortly before the war began. It began as I was doing my basic training. My military career was very shortly lived, it was a last straw on my camel’s back and it triggered an emotional collapse which had been brewing for many years. I was discharged after a couple of months and that marked the beginning of an end – a period of disintegration of my life – one that culminated in a period of depression and a kind of rebirthing. At first I took on an aggressive and cynical personality. The depression marked a collapse of an old story and the personality that emerged was vehemently trying to fight off the world which continued to make intrusive moved against me.
Which brings me to the 3rd point of alignment. Bob Frissell (the author) in describing his own personal story of awakening mentions the age of 26 as a point of transition (not just for him) and so it was for me. My own transition-of-26 did not seem to be one of mindful consciousness. I was well into a successful-by-social-standards career yet I was beginning to feel an emptiness-of-purpose. At the time it was manifesting as an unhealthy body. I would mostly sit in offices activating my mind and my body began to deteriorate. I recall experiencing a stiff neck and back and I wondering what, given that I was feeling this way at the age of 26, it would be like when I actually got older. That’s when I began a search that would ultimately bring me to Yoga.
The last point of alignment brings me to the present time. It is a Sunday morning and I have just completed the book for the second time. I will indulge in this one quote of a quote from the book:
“To the few who know of this event and what is occurring all around us, a wisdom is transferred, and a peaceful state of being becomes their inheritance, for they know the awesom truth. In the midst of chaos, war, starvation, plagues, environmental crises, and moral breakdown that we are all experiencing here on Earth today at the end of this cycle, they understand the transition and know no fear. This fearless state is the secret to transformation that for millions of years has always followed this sacred cosmic event.
On one level, this means that spiritually the female will now have her turn to lead mankind (womankind)into the New Light. And eventually, this female spiritual light will permeate the entire range of human experience from female leaders in business and religion to female heads of state. By 2012-2013 this female spiritual light will become so strong as to become obvious to all and will continue to grow for thousands of years.“
Yesterday (June 22, 2013) I drove Andreea to the city with a car packed full of her things. She has rented an apartment in the city that will serve both as a clinic and as a 2nd home for her. This is another transition on our shared journey.
Life (the last two years) at Bhudeva have been both extremely fruitful and extremely stressful. It has illuminated both our togetherness and our separateness. While I have surrendered into the physical life of earth and nature Andreea is levitating into a different existence (one that appears ungrounded to my eyes here at Bhudeva). As spiritual beings our journey is shared. As human beings we are currently on two different paths. As spiritual beings we experience a clear and shared higher purpose and unrelenting mutual support. As human beings we have experienced tension (tapas). Life at Bhudeva has made this undeniably clear.
Yesterday, leaving Andreea at her apartment was our second parting this week. The first was when she got on the bus on Monday to go to the city to look for an apartment (she found the apartment the next day). I drove her to the bus station in the village and watched as she got on the bus. As the bus drove away a wave of emotion arose in me and wet my eyes.
The emotion took me back to 10 or so years ago when, after struggling with Israeli society for the right to create a life together, we parted ways in Cyprus. We went there(to Cyprus!) to “get married” in the eyes of Israeli law so that we could (hopefully) continue making a life together in Israel without Andreea existing as an “illegal alien” (at the time, a police force was formed in Israel to hunt down and deport the “likes of her”). We arrived separately – Andreea had to first go to Romania to get her papers in order – so I flew in from Israel and she flew in from Romania. “The wedding” took 40 minutes, including 20 minutes driving and a few minutes waiting for our turn. We were there for 3 nights after which we had to go our own separate ways again – she to Romania, I to Israel (where I would then file papers asking to be “legally reunited” with her). I left first (my flight was earlier then hers), we said goodbye and I got into a taxi and drove to the airport in tears. I felt torn away from us. The same kind of tears and emotions appeared when her bus drove away this week. In Cyprus We did not know when we would see each other again (since Andreea left Israel as an illegal citizen and was black-listed accordingly). Yet we parted with a knowledge that this parting is on our path of togetherness. Such is the parting taking place now.
Andreea has been on an awakened path of purposeful fullfilment since we’ve arrived in Romania. She is blossoming into a being-of-light. As a birth-keeper she is assisting in birthing other beings-of-light into the world. As a care-giver she is caring for and nurturing light in other women. She is, after many years of searching, immersed in deep, intimate and purposeful relationships with other women with whom she can go places that were not for me to go with her. I also feel a need to point out that Andreea is the gateway for money in our life, of all the things we do, it is ultimately in her hands to meet the world around us and engage with it in exchange (which will be much easier and more available to her in the city!).
I want and need a period of quiet, undisturbed stability to regather. I look forward to a period of quiet, simple flow and stillness. Over the past two years I have gone through feelings of resentment, frustration, anger and betrayal. The more I am able to make some sense of what is actually happening the more those feelings have turned from demanding to nurturing. There is little bit of fear – but its a very little bit and doesn’t have much grip. My nature seems to have a deep aroma of recurring aloneness to it.
Ultimately this transition seems to be about us moving together into better alignment with our differing needs and natures. I feel blessed that we are able to find agility and flexibility that allow us to bend together without breaking. I feel blessed that our life circumstances provide us with the freedom to explore as diversly as we do. We are both facing a new unknown, we are both relieved, we are both together and, today, we are also both sad.
These are the closing words of the book:
“We appear to be heading for a level of existence that is beyond our ability to even imagine: the universe is being recalled; we are going home”