This is not for you, it’s for me …
Definite & True
This is not for you, it’s for me …
Definite & True
We have finally decided to jump head first into the unknown that was calling us. By the end of Novemeber Andreea & I will be in Cluj-Napoca in Romania. A stranger on Twitter asked me why – so here goes nothing.
Andreea and I have been together for almost 10 years. We met in a blind-date (very blind – a couple of my friends set it up with a couple of their friends – neither knew both of us). Andreea was a foreign national working in Israel (legally). We didn’t speak for almost a week after our first date. We made love for the first time on 9/11 – while the towers in New York were collapsing (it was nice, but not THAT powerful). Our relationship soon outgrew her legal visa and we ended up fighting the state of Israel for permission to make a life together. It was a long and painful struggle – but we won.
Over the years we have been together much has changed. I left behind a career, I was then gifted by an inspiring creative journey as a photographer, I created SweetClarity , I completed my Yoga teacher training, and I’ve learned a few things about WordPress which is how I make this online home. and I have now gravitated towards an almost monastic existence – quiet and isolated. Andreea has emerged as a tremendously powerful woman – she has acquired a rich hollistic toolbox (she is an aromethapist, masseuse specializing on work with pregnant women, doula and self-trained herbalist) and life experience (I wouldn’t know where to begin) which she shares with other women who take an interest in their own health & awareness, fertility, pregnancy, motherhood, etc.
We haven’t been able to create a sustaintable and pleasant life in Israel – our values seem out of touch and often in collission with the realities and norms of Israel. 18 months ago we escaped to a quiet and remote house in the north of Israel where we experience less friction with Israel and it’s people. I am fairly content (except for worries about money) but Andreea is less so. Shortly after we moved here a strange awakening occured in Andreea – her heart opened to and called to Romania (though in the past she swore she would never go back there). We began an online project – Feminitate – dedicated to women in Romania. The project has been well-received (it has over 150 articles which have been viewed over 400,000 times by more then 100,000 visiting women). She has also begun doing some long-distance one-on-one consulting there with women.
Over recent months our finances have dwindled and we’ve been through a very challenging period. The idea of going to Romania has been with us for some time – but Romania is no picnic. There are many difficulties awaiting us in Romania. Most of the people we know think it’s a risky and odd decision. A few of the people we know realize that Romania has the potential to be aligned with the kind of life we want to make for ourselves. It has lot’s of space, great agricultural land and and an abundance of water – all of which make it possible to create a highly self-sustaining home. I can continue to be quiet and isolated there and Andreea can be closer to the women with whom she wants to work.
Over the last two months as our intentions crystallized and solidified – the general idea of moving to Romania has become more and more specific. Andreea has decided to study midwifery as a way to earn an “official” position there as a qualified professional – a position from which she believes she will be able to facilitate a change in Romania. She already carries many tools with her, which she will put to use once we get there and continue to do so during her studies. The need for a university has diverted us from our original destination of Sibiu to nearby Cluj which is a thriving and developing city in Romania.
As we achieved more clarity we were also able to create better communication channels with our immediate family – especially my parents. Both they and my sister have offered support both in the form of guidance and financial assistance. The intensity of the situation is escalating and seems to be doing us good in many ways.
Over the last 4 years we have lived off mostly short term savings that accumulated during my professional career and what income we were able to generate. I have decided to knock down one of the last holy-grails of money in my life. I have begun to liquidate all the funds I have saved up in pension funds (also from my career years). When this option first surfaced I said to Andreea that I want us to find a way to leverage these funds in a better way – not to let them get sucked into our current stuck existence.
Well it seems to be working out in a very curious and surprising way. Once Andreea collected some information about the costs of living in Romania we realized that renting there is going to be yet again a major expense over 4 or 5 years. So we are now looking into options of purchasing or building a small house on a few acres of land near the city shortly after we arrive. If this works out we may suddenly find ourselves living in a reality that is very close to our dreams. Andreea will be on her mission and I will be on the ground – it’s too good to be true. It definitely feels like we are moving towards a home.
I began writing this post yesterday morning. Since then we have been visited by a relocation company and we are awaiting a quote for moving some of our stuff. People have already come to see the house and it seems we may be packing up and out sooner then expected (beginning of November instead of mid or end of November). At the end of yesterday we felt as if we are living in a movie and somebody hit the fast forward button – and our consciousness was still dragging behind trying to catch up – kind of like the pit of the stomach feels left behind on a roller coaster.
The vibrations of change are intensifying. I feel as if I can almost touch change – it is in our physical world (taking apart a house), it is demanding on the mind, it is emotionally draining and it is spiritually challenging. This morning it becamse a physical sensation – as if an external force is pounding on the door of my internal peace. The regularity of my practices is already challenged. I summoned it and now I need to open the door to it knowing it will storm through me and leave a mess behind.
It is one of the greatest tests of faith I have ever experienced. We are moving from a life that was dominated by my bubble and moving into a life dominated by Andreea’s bubble. I am in a practice of surrender and she is in a practice of taking power. I get agitated and distant, she gets emotional and overwhelmed. We go through moments of divine unity and then moments of raw-collission. My 20’s were an exciting and dynamic 10 years. My 30’s have not relented. I am in awe of the forces in my life – a break would be nice – but the horizon is still completely unknown 🙂
I don’t recall how I came across this twitter update:
But when I did it sent me back … way back … I kept it open and began a search until I found what I was looking for:
I drew this picture when we were living in Los Angeles. I was apparently into my 10th year of life, still attending a Jewish school (where I believe I lost any connections I may have still had to Judaism) which was a “base” for the Jewish community in that area (the synagogue we attended was on the same campus). One day we were notified that a famous Israeli poet/singer – Naomi Shemer – was coming to give a concert and that there would be some kind of drawing competition. I drew this drawing and I was one of the lucky winners.
Our prize included going up on stage and shaking her hand or giving her flowers or something like that (doesn’t figure, I won, shouldn’t she be giving me flowers?). What I remember is a few hectic moments and a fat sweaty woman.
This is one of her most famous, powerfully entrenched in the Israeli psyche, songs Jerusalem of Gold performed by a popular Israeli rock band (ironically called “Hayehudim” – which translates as “The Jews”):
Thank you Trystan for the flash-down memory lane 🙂
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