“What I remember saying is much more wonderful than what I actually said.”
Richard Feynman

What Do You Care What Other People Think?

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-03-13

  • shoulder-blades are odd bones … unless … you realize that's where wings grow! #
  • Feminitate is celebrating two years http://bit.ly/hkpX8V #
  • how can I allow myself to be simultaneously touched and unmoved? #
  • It's womens day 2day & we are heading out, Andreea is going 2b interviewed on local TV (Cluj – AlfaTV) about http://www.feminitate.org 🙂 #
  • it's a day late but here's me celebrating femininity in my life: http://bit.ly/e5Tv8d #
  • "hands up for love y'alll" that dude formerly known as Prince 🙂 #
  • thinking back on natural disasters in recent months, reminded of George Carlin: the planet does seem 2b shaking off us: http://bit.ly/16ffm #
  • heads up Sting is coming to Bucharest on June 6th: http://bit.ly/i8dH7o living in Europe definitely has its perks 🙂 #
  • @lifeinromania thanks for the heads up on Samsara http://bit.ly/fQorm9 will check it out soon and report back 🙂 a pleasant day 2 u 🙂 #
  • I just checked and discovered that WordPress.com blogs do not have access to IntenseDebate comments. How disappointing 🙁 #
  • thinking in terms of male and female is so much richer then man and woman http://bit.ly/e5Tv8d #
  • observing and experiencing recovery through Pranayama http://bit.ly/i5dyTW … and feeling a tsunami coming on? #
  • never had a mortgage, never had an Apple product, I had a Facebook account 4a short time … but that's in the past and won't happen again #
  • @dallasclayton earlier today read your post, and we just returned from looking at, amongst other things, large bathtubs together 🙂 #
  • @cjrock please do let me know when you do 🙂 #

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Recovering with Pranayama: Flow, Space, Ease


The past week (give or take) has been awkward. It began with a disturbed feeling all over –  I felt energetically drained and emotionally heavy – this lasted two days. Then the disturbance moved into my digestive system – I lost my appetite – also for two days (though it still hasn’t resumed completely). Then it was as if a weight was lifted from me.

My Pranayama practice was irregular during the stormy days but over the last few days (4 at least) I have been practicing consistently. Over these days I’ve seen a gradual recovery of my breathing, which seems to be aligned with my overall recovery:

  1. Flow – at first the flow of the breath was shaky and that effected everything else. That was also the first thing to improve – a steady quiet flow of breath.
  2. Space – when the flow was better I felt that my capacity to exhale was limited – as if I had just enough breath to complete the long exhale. I know from past experience that I do have the capacity for this practice – which meant that it was again a reflection of my overall process of recovery.
  3. Ease – today it all came together again – there was both a quality of flow and space and I returned to the overall ease with which the practice usually comes to me.

This is an example and confirmation of my intuitive choice to not change my Pranayama. Having a steady and accessible practice gives me an anchor, something I can come back to and know myself again in this turbulent period of life.

I came out of this mornings practice with a somewhat startling realization. On March 6th I published a post celebrating two years of Feminitate in spite of feeling down and disturbed. In the first sentence of that post I wrote “is there a tsunami happening some where?”. Yesterday a tsunami hit Japan.

Posted in Expanding, inside, Pranayama Journal, Yoga | You are welcome to add your comment

Moving into Femininity


Yesterday was an International Women’s Day and I had hoped to publish this post to acknowledge it – but life had other plans. Still, a day late, I offer it in the context of a great feminine power.

Our move to Romania was a change in many ways but to me the most interesting aspect was the move into a feminine energy. This movement began during our last year in Israel and, of all things, around the issue of money. I made at first a silent wish and then a vocal one to distance myself from money – I want to have as little as possible to do with money. Money makes me uncomfortable, I feel as if I don’t understand it and I am very critical of the parts of it that I do understand. I also believe that this harsh relationship with it harms our financial well-being. So I want to distance myself from it and to give myself a chance to get a fresh perspective on it.

But for me to get away from it Andreea had to agree to take over in my place. At first she was hesitant but then something changed and she embraced it passionately. She started paying at the supermarket and paying our bills and she needed to know more or less what was happening in our bank account. I began to withdraw. When we went shopping I didn’t reach for my wallet and I forwarded all of our bills to Andreea.

But it wasn’t a complete nor a smooth process. Both of us were used to me handling our financials. I was used to doing it and I was comfortable knowing I was doing it with my usual order and thoroughness. I was also comfortable knowing that she was not involved in it – our past experience showed that she was irresponsible with money and so I didn’t trust her to be able to do it. Andreea is also way more messy then me – she can easily lose the bills instead of paying them.

While in Israel we both lived in a world where I was dominant. In many ways Andreea joined my bubble of existence. When we moved to Romania that all changed abruptly. The language barrier (I don’t speak Romanian) immediately forced things away from me and towards Andreea. We moved into a life dominated by her.

A part of me is thrilled about the change. I am no longer in the driver seat – someone else is driving and I can now look at the view instead of at the road. But is still isn’t a smooth process. Money flows away from Andreea faster then it does from me. She is still messy – just the other day she went to pay one of our bills and took the wrong one (and couldn’t find the right one). All this is to say that I want to enjoy the view but I am still not confident in her driving so there is a tension in me – I am still glimpsing in the rear-view mirrors and still stepping down on the floor of the car on an imaginary break.

Now it isn’t just with money – it’s everything. We have so much work to do with building our house. I am learning tons of new things in English but then Andreea has to also learn them and then translate them into Romanian so that she can make inquiries with local suppliers and professionals with whom I cannot communicate. We are also doing things that have never been done in Romania … and it all falls on her shoulders. Just last week we started negotiations to buy the land that we already call our home – it was completely hers.

… and she is still messier then I … and slower then I … and … oh so very different then me … and sometimes that drives me crazy … which is how I am learning to appreciate the qualities of femininity.

I am  learning that it isn’t enough to simply hand the keys over to her – that unless I do so with clear intention and faith in her I am going to be worst off then before – in my mind I will still be trying to steer and break – only without a steering wheel in my hands and without a break pedal under my foot. I can easily slip into a constant state of distrust toward her – and that would be a terrible loss. I am learning that being in the passenger seat is not a passive place but another kind of active place – I am now free to support and guide her in any way I can and to do so with complete faith (sometimes blind faith) in her better judegement.

where male will push female will wait
where male will demand female will inquire
where male will force female will contemplate
where male will judge female will embrace
where male will be arrogant female will be humble
where male will be insistent female will be patient
where male will be agitated female will be settled
where male will be forceful female will be soft
where male will be angry female will be understanding
where male will be confused female will be curious
where male will be doubtful female will have faith

As our life moves into her bubble of existence we are both experiencing friction. Where once male was dominant now female is dominant. It is a huge change. It is a beautiful change. It is magical for me to witness time and again the direction that her female qualities take us, which my male qualities may have completely missed. It is inspiring for me to witness her learn and grow into this new dominant role – is isn’t so much that we have moved into a new bubble because she is creating this new bubble as we go.

It is a daily practice of faith for me to witness her movements, to feel my objections and then to find my back to patience and support. I am starting to see that female energy is awakening for both of us. Her female energy grows by moving outward. My female energy grows by moving inward. Both are happening because (in part) my male energy cannot interfere.

Maybe instead of celebrating a International Women’s Day we should be celebrating an International Feminine Day? Our personal life is moving in a direction full-of-wonder thanks to the appearance of female energy  – I would be happy to see this kind of energy spread throughout our currently male-dominated world.  Is isn’t necessary for women to replace men (which often leads to women sacrificing their female energy for male energy) – it is necessary to reign in male energies and give rise to female energies.

Posted in Expanding, inside | You are welcome to read 1 comment and to add yours

2 Years of Feminitate


My energy is really messed up (it has been since yesterday)… is there a tsunami happening some where?

Anyways I didn’t want to put off this small celebration … because a celebration really is in order.

During most of our years together Andreea swore she would never come back to Romania. A few years ago she had a hebrew website around femininity – it didn’t strike a chord with Israeli women. Then out of nowhere … and all of a sudden she asked to create a Romanian speaking website on the same theme. Feminitate has been online for 2 years now and I am writing this short post from a rented apartment in Romania.

Feminitate has about 200 articles on various aspects of Feminity including health, fertility, pregnancy, birth and awareness. It currently sees about 500 visitors a day who view ~2000 pages of content. It has reached  over 160,000 visitors who have read over 620,000 pages of content.

It’s most viewed page with over 24,000 views is a page explaining the basics of female anatomy. This page is, to me, a landmark achievement. It isn’t about some fasionable or entertaining topic – it’s literally an anatomy lesson that has reached thousands of Romanian-speaking women. Sure, it has a picture of a vagina on it so that main have gained some indirect traffic but this page about cervical mucus (I know way more than I care to admit about female anatomy) was viewed over 23,000 times and it doesn’t have any pictures on it.

Not only has Feminitate led us to Romania but it is a core energy that shapes everything we do. Even now, when Feminitate is in 2nd place on our list of priorities, our 1st priority – creating a home – grows out of Feminitate – as our home is destined to become a physical manifestation where Feminitate can transcend posts, comments and email and grow into physical presence and contact.

On days like this, when I feel really lousy and filled with fear in the face of so much unknown, Feminitate and the tapestry of our lives into which it is woven is a bright and shining and comforting and supporting light.

Posted in Expanding, inside, Israel | You are welcome to add your comment

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-03-06

  • on the phone with Israel again – what a fucking pain in the ass country – can't wait to be completely past it … soon soon … #
  • every interaction with Israel authorities is painful and abusive, sad 2feel "good riddance" towards a country where I spent most of my life #
  • "Just because you do something for a living doesn’t mean it has to be serious." Dallas Clayton http://dallasclayton.com/ #
  • "subtley is just never going to be me specialty" http://fb.me/GgKpqXiN another soft gem from @tanyadavismusic #
  • ironic that unsubscribing from annoying mailing lists ends up with one last annoying email letting you know that you are "unsubscribed" #
  • @lucglasbeek I watched "Inside Job" & here's a thought … anyone who has ever taken a loan from a bank (credit debt to mortgage) #
  • @lucglasbeek and anyone who has ever had savings in a bank is an active part and supporter of the banking system that is now condemned #
  • @lucglasbeek have u ever given thought/asked/cared what happened 2 your savings? where does interest coming from? where do loans come from? #
  • @luglasbeek anyone who partook in banking went to a great party, had a nice time … but now … hungover and looking to place blame #
  • @lucglasbeek as I wrote on ur blog, it isn't just Israel that I left, I am checking out of a lot of systems I no longer care to be a part of #
  • so far all the iBreathe practitioners are women, where are the men? http://bit.ly/ee3CBi #
  • "time is money" is bullshit #

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