“The reason you keep on coming back to see me is very simple; every time you have seen me your body has learned certain things, even against your desire. And finally your body now needs to come back to me to learn more. Let’s say that your body knows that it is going to die, even though you never think about it. So I’ve been telling your body that I too am going to die and before I do I would like to show our body certain things, things which you cannot give to your body yourself… So let’s say then that your body returns to me because I am its friend.”
Carlos Castaneda

Journey to Ixtlan

Consideration

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I remember all the moral stories I was read and taught as a child – I just realized that I experienced them all (if this was intentional or not – I can only guess) as telling me how to behave properly with the world. They all seemed to involve some level of personal sacrifice – which was of course rewarded with “feeling good about myself” morally. Well I am constantly realizing – that it’s not like that … nor is it the other way around.

I had a breakthrough yesterday – I still don’t feel like talking or writing about the actual event – those who were with me supported and witnessed it. The thing that most echoed in my consciousness, that I do want to share, was the feeling of acting out of complete attention to myself and not out of complete disregard for my surroundings. This is a subtle realization for me!

I feel that the morality I was brought up with (and this has a lot to do with my family history, the cultures I was brought up in, etc.) taught me to sacrifice of myself for others (as others apparently did for me). This never felt quite right – but I had a thorough education so it held up for a long time (as you can tell I am still working with it!). Then at a certain point I made a rather drastic switch – an opposite extremity (which is what you get when you wind up a person to one extreme and then release) – one that centered on myself – my wants and needs. I don’t think I ever truly ignored my surroundings – but I gave clear priority (and still do!) to myself.

As time chiseled away at my harshness I have grown towards a delicate balance between myself and the world around me. I cannot be good/supportive/helpful to those around me unless I have a firm personal base – a grounding from which I can be my best. For me this includes money, a home, people, quiet, solitude and some kind of spiritual engagement (yes money did come first and no the order is of no significance – but you are welcome to analyze it to your heart’s content).

Yesterday I realized that there are two directions of working towards that delicate balance between myself and the world around me.

  • One is the path I have been on for many years – pulling away from the bonds of the world around me. I experience this as a struggle – pulling away from something that is pulling me back. It has a subtractive quality – something must be lost for something to be gained. There is a high friction experience of destruction of what is to make space for what may be.
  • The second is by working outwards from my core. Though I have been on this path for some years – it is only yesterday that I truly experienced this in my body. This is a process of growth that occurs at my own pace. It is a process in which I grow closer to the world by expanding and adding new layers. It is a pleasant process of exploration.

Though I am not claiming a truth – I know which one feels better for me at this point in my life : )

Thank you Shahar for your own process of inquiry, for sharing your insight and creating the circumstances for my body do its own learning!

Posted in AltEco, Featured, outside, SweetClarity | You are welcome to add your comment

Trigger Point: Consciousness

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I just came back from a … music performance. I went with three friends – the only thing they liked about is that it was over. I didn’t like it either but I enjoyed it greatly … as I thought it over and talked about it on the way home – I found a metaphor to describe my experience – trigger points! Read More »

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The Heart of Yoga by T.K.V. Desikachar

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The Heart of Yoga: Developing a Personal Practice

This is one of the better starting points you can find to gain an initial understanding of Yoga. A YOGA PRACTICE SHOULD ONLY BE TAKEN ON WITH THE GUIDANCE OF A TEACHER – so don’t read the book and hit the mat! The author is a prominent Yoga teacher and also happens to be the son of the Krishnamacharya – the man who brought Yoga back into the light in the 20th century. The book, if you take the time to read it, respectfully offers a comprehensive introduction of the vast system of Yoga. Most importantly it demonstrates how personal a Yoga practice can and should be.

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The Inmates are Running the Asylum by Alan Cooper

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A fun and inspiring book. A must read for anybody who is involved in the business of digital products – from websites, information systems, custom tailored software applications, hardware products driven by software – which, in our digital age, means practically everyone in business.

The book demonstrates in a simple and entertaining fashion – how software design effects our lives both as users and businesses who’s products are used by people. It offers interesting insights and perspectives on the manufacturing process of software, the people involved in it and their dispositions. You really need to appreciate the tremendous effect good design can have on lifestyle and business success.

Posted in Books, Business, Coming Through, outside | You are welcome to read 1 comment and to add yours

What about Photography?

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How is it that I haven’t written anything about photography? I am not sure what is the correct answer but: Read More »

Posted in Coming Through, Expanding, inside, outside, Stuff | You are welcome to add your comment