“That’s your doing. Now in order to affect that doing I am going to recommend that you learn another doing… It may hook you to another doing and then you may realize that both doings are lies, unreal, and that to hinge yourself to either one is a waste of time, because the only thing that is real is the being in you that is going to die. To arrive at that being is the note-doing of the self.”
Carlos Castaneda

Journey to Ixtlan

9 to 5

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The days are rolling by quickly. By this time next week we will have left our house to be at my parents place until we fly to Romania on November 8th. Yesterday was a major milestone when a first truck left with a lot of our things to a friend who purchased some of our things. Amongst the things that went on the truck are 9 boxes containing 165kg of our possessions – mostly books – that will be shipped to Romania (my friend will ship them to us once we have an address). That together with 3 suitcases and some hand luggage is all that remains of our possessions. Everything else was sold or given.

Selling our things was an awkward experience. We had originally planned to send a larger shipment by sea, but it was prohibitively expensive. Most of our things are functional and valuable to us but not expensive. After some checking we realized we would be better off purchasing the basic things we need in Romania rather then shipping them from Israel. So we ended up selling lots of stuff – almost everything. There is an unpleasant side to it when we realized that the things that were so useful and valuable to us translate into a few thousand dollars- the monetary value has very little correlation to their true value. Fortunately most of our stuff went to people who will benefit from it greatly – which left us feeling good – knowing that not just our possessions but our values are carrying on as well.

Every time something left our house it left us with mixed emotions – there was apparent attachment which was left hanging – and then there was a refreshing feeling, an empty space which is now available for new things, possessions, values and experiences. Every movement was/is a reminder that the day of our departure is nearing – an idea is becoming a reality, a wish is coming true in unexpected ways (as has been my experience with wishes).

Many small things are happening for the last time – many small endings. It’s funny how poignant they are when they occur and yet I am having a hard time recalling them now. There are so many small and obvious things in life that go unnoticed – until they are projected against a sensitive screen – this time an ending screen –  where they  light up like fireworks – and disappear … forever. I suppose that every moment is like that – they are so just more noticeable now. They shimmer – they demand attention, a final recognition.

In the midst of this transition death visited our family. It was my first conscious and rather intimate meeting with death. It was a prolonged decay due to cancer – so it was a journey – not just a sudden event. Death gifted me with a few magical moments – it confirmed the futility of my wonderful existence. It strengthened me – it was a shining and bright indicator that I am on my path and it patted me on the back and said “carry on, stay true”. It was pure.

Living these past few weeks (and quite a few weeks to come) is a practice. There has been too much movement, mess and dirt for me to engage my practices. On a few mornings I was blessed with some Shakuhachi playing which feels in tune. I am pleased with the way I and we have moved through this period. We have been moving forward steadily, there seem to me a millions things to do, many of them emotionally draining. We are quick to recognize when we are full and when we are empty. We are sensitive to ourselves and to each other. We are able to work independently and together. We are able to sense friction and disengage peacefully. We know when to rest. We know what needs to be done. We know how to face the things we don’t know – and we have the facilities to wait them out. Most things have worked out smoothly and easily for us.

We are confident and we are vital. I remember a few times when I was preparing for travel – I got excited, I was able to stay vital, I wasn’t bothered by late-night / early morning flights – I stayed awake for two days straight. Well we’ve been like that for over 3 weeks. We wake up and arise early in the morning, we take our time, enjoy a few quiet hours together and then get on with our days. We sleep 9 to 5 🙂

Posted in Expanding, inside | You are welcome to add your comment

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-10-17

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  • @zenpeacekeeper True, Yoga can make you a better <whateveritisyoudo>, but there is real magic in the other way around http://bit.ly/cgfXGu in reply to zenpeacekeeper #
  • separation leads to integration leads to separation leads to integration leads to separation … #
  • @zenpeacekeeper I looked at ur WordPress and it seems the theme has some errors … I’d be happy to try and fix it for you in reply to zenpeacekeeper #
  • @HarMichele what do you mean by progress? in reply to HarMichele #
  • Meditate to see where you are now rather then pretending you are somewhere else #
  • I found today’s Shakuhachi recording to be surprisingly smoothing http://bit.ly/adOt4Z #
  • @HarMichele Today I would say progress is about subtlety on the mat and peace in the face of change off the mat 🙂 in reply to HarMichele #
  • @zenpeacekeeper imagesize may make it go away, but there’s some comrpomised HTML in there which should fixed … to avoid future pains in reply to zenpeacekeeper #
  • we are in a bardo, our old life has died, and we will be flying 2 begin our new reborn life in Romania on Nov8 #
  • give it a minute and it will give you a wonderful lesson: http://bit.ly/bGTa7S #
  • @DominicMiller1 thank u! you may want to have a look/listen at/to this: http://bit.ly/c89Y4u in reply to DominicMiller1 #
  • a relative is dying of cancer, thinking of her, trying 2 “remember” her made me question what memory is … then time seemed to slow down #
  • how to add OGG (the free and open-standard alternative to MP3 file format) audio files to WordPress: http://bit.ly/apKeiC #
  • I like having my one special cup, I don’t like it when other people drink from it #
  • This morning’s Shakuhachi playing was to my aunt who’s soul departed as the air was flowing through the flute #
  • I offer it as a beacon so that two beautiful souls can find each other again in the endless ether #
  • this is my first intimate, conscious, knowing, involved, raw meeting with death … intense and soft #
  • I am so greatful for an elated stability that supports me when so many things around me are shifting and changing #
  • There is fear and sadness, and elation and joy, I can see the different qualities coming together to create what I know to be me #
  • I can feel the roots of the trees on the hill across the valley through the toes of my feet #
  • I can sense the entire sky in my lungs #
  • I can feel a moving car pulling at my center #
  • Everything is present with me in it #
  • I know that I will grow and that I will die #
  • There is no alone and there is no together #
  • I am coming together again … I’ve been attacked and I’ve survived #
  • it’s so infinite #
  • I know exactly what it is I invest my time in, I just can’t express to you what it is #
  • and there is MY coffee in MY cup … ha #
  • @mollydotcom thank u 🙂 whatever it is that we are, it can’t be contained in 140 characters 🙂 in reply to mollydotcom #
  • I know I’m repeating myself, but … purpose http://bit.ly/cFx0XD #

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I Shakuhachi – October 8, 2010

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I am not one to push … even when pushing is called for … especially not when it comes to things which have a meditative quality.

It wasn’t there this morning, but something was pulling me in, demanding, unrelenting … quite a journey … I went through so much … I wanted this to be up here & out there … all 30+ minutes of it.

I insist

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Posted in About, inside, My Shakuhachi Recordings, Shakuhachi | You are welcome to add your comment