Myself – August 2010 – Abundance

It’s really hard for me to write about August without mentionin September – they are so full of continuing and contradicting movements. But as I make it a point to reflect back  on the previous month, I suppose that the present from which I am reflecting inevitably effects the reflections I see.

The defining event of August was when the balance of our bank account dropped for the first time below 10k NIS (it continued to drop further). That means that we have finances left for less then 2 months at our current minimal rate of spending. It is frightening – and is placing me in the most challenging spiritual practice – I am failing quite a bit – but I am definitely getting better.

There’s a post I’ve been meaning to write for some time titles “Cows don’t have pockets”. During recent months the cows have stopped gracing us with their grazing visits across the valley – everything has dried up. Before that they were there almost every day and I enjoyed watching them. They exist in what looks like a simple ecological cycle which somehow seems to work. They graze on weeds and grasses that have grown naturally from the rain, and as they graze they also fertilize the ground. They have a set path they repeat, they seem to take their time but always arrive on time. They have no “savings”, no “margins”.

After almost 20 years as a self-sustaining adult in which I grew accustomed to creating and having financial reserves – my life is now shifting to be more like the cows. There is a minimal income that keeps our heads above the water – but not much more. Whenever the money seems to be running out, a bit more appears and buys us a little more time. It’s been going on for a long time. But now we are closer then ever to an end. That’s how august began – and then some money began trickling in again – little sums from numerous sources – it was really amusing to watch money appear 🙂

I’ve stopped trying to figure out this money issue. There are some things I know, some things I don’t know but I feel I can get my head around if I apply correct-effort, and something I just don’t get. Money is one of those things I just don’t get (metaphysically and literally). I have a long standing wish to remove the quality of money from my life – I want nothing to do with it. I don’t want to have a wallet, cash money or a credit card – nothing. This wish has started to come true – as August marked a first step in Andreea taking over our finances. She now carries the credit card with her, she is now the one carrying the wallet and she is now the one paying others money. I love it – it’s absolutely wonderful.

Andreea has taken a break from Feminitate – there was pressure building, it was blocking her writing – so we agreed she should embrace a welcome break instead of being in guilty break. Once the space opened she started painting – she created a captivating mandala. She is aligning herself with financial wealth – which makes me happy now that she’s navigating us through this dimension in which I can’t find north.

August was a pleasantly consistent month of Yoga practice. I’ve also been blessed with two new and precious paths of learning. My teacher is now supporting and guiding my Pranayama practice – and I am taking this opportunity to document my personal journey and experience in the hope that it will shed some web-light on the intricate art that Pranayama can be. My teacher has also agreed to teach me Samkhya – Yoga’s sister Indian  system of philosophy. It is a special and rare learning opportunity and setting.