“To die with elation is a crappy way of dying… A warrior dies the hard way. His death must struggle to take him. A warrior does not give himself to it.”
I’ve been re-reading a book I’ve had for many years Chaos: Making a New Science (which is now offered in a newer edition). It’s a different read this time – I am seeing Yoga & Samkhya and spiritualism all over it. The book tells the story of a young branch of science & mathematics that was developed in the 20th century
Anecdote1: Insolvable Equations – Mathematicians didn’t take to Chaos because it dealt with equations that can’t be solved. My education included a heavy dose of mathematics and I can confirm, as the book suggests, that everything I was taught was ultimately about solving equations. The thing is that equations that can be solved represent a very small part of the field of mathematics – most of it is made up of equations that cannot be solved. That’s where the magic of Chaos was hidden.
Anecdote2: It’s Just Mathematics – Meanwhile physicists didn’t really take an interest in it because it had no real-world applications – it was “just mathematics”. It took a dedicated mathematician to create and experiment for 2 years with a 1 millimeter sized capsule as a testing apparatus to unknowingly provide a real-world example of chaos at work. So, the field of chaos was dormant for many years until eventually some scientists and mathematicians begun stumbling on to strange discoveries … and eventually on to each other.
Anecdote3: Exploring instead of Solving – The mathematics of Chaos is founded on processing equations rather then solving them. Any equation, no matter how complex or unsolvable can be plugged with numbers to see what happens (sometimes using fairly basic math skills). In Chaos such a process of calculation is executed over and over until beautiful images appear carrying illusive and inspiring messages.
Anecdote4: Simplicity describes Infinity – A wondrous quality of these images-of-chaos is that they can be described and precisely defined with very little information (less then half a page’s worth of text) – yet when they are processed they lead to patterns of infinite complexity. Following is one such image image created from one of the most famous mathematic mechanisms called the Mandelbrot Set (<- checkout this link for more cool images or search google images) named after another dedicated mathematician that was ignored for many years:
But what prompted me to write this post was the following quote from the book:
… used a brilliant chain of new mathematics to prove that every floating molecule does indeed hang on a filigree that binds it to all the rest, a delicate web springing from tiny outcroppings on the main set … The mathematicians proved that any segment – no matter where and no matter how small – would, when blown up by the computer microscope, reveal new molecules, each resembling the main set and yet not quite the same. Every new molecule would be surrounded by it’s own spirals and flame-like projections, and those inevitably, would reveal molecules tinier still, always similar, never identical, fulfilling some mandate of infinite variety, a miracle of miniaturization in which every new details was sure to be a universe of its own, diverse and entire.
Doesn’t that sound like mathematicians dancing around Brahman?
It happens, Firefox crashes. Fortunately most of the time it will automatically restore all of your open tabs for you. Unfortunately, sometimes it comes up after a crash without restoring your open tabs or offering you an option to do so. If you’ve numerous windows with many tabs open this can hurt.
Fortunately there is an easy fix. In the address bar simply type in this address:
about:sessionrestore
This should cause the restore session dialogue to appear and you are good to go.
WARNING: If, before doing this, you’ve already opened new tabs, whatever you do, DO NOT close Firefox. Firefox keeps the information on your open tabs in a file. When you close Firefox it updates that file with the windows and tabs that are currently open – and doing that will overwrite the information you are trying to restore. Leave the windows and tabs you have open as they are. Complete the restoration of your previously opened tabs and then close what you don’t need.
I’ve been meaning to write about this book for sometime, but I keep putting off (for some good reasons and for some lesser reasons). But Marianne asked today about a book recommendation and this is what I wanted to recommend … so thank you Marianne for the final push. I can either write a lot about this book or a little … I’m going to go with the short version for now (the intensity of a long version is one of the reasons it hasn’t been written yet).
There are many books that have the same name or carry a similar message “Yoga for Everybody” – so why this one? I haven’t read all the books so I can’t really offer an objective opinion … so I am to do something we are often told not to do: “judging books by their covers”.
This book doesn’t have on its cover:
An image of a posture that “everybody” most certainly CAN NOT do.
An image of a sexy blond in tight-fitting clothes performing a posture that very few people can actually do.
Superficial symbolism that has nothing to do with Yoga.
Cliche’s and promises of easy or immediate physical or spiritual salvation.
This book does have on it’s cover:
Images of day-to-day people in unimpressive (almost ridiculous looking :+) postures.
An honest and informative description of what’s inside – routine practice!
My teachers name.
… and though you can’t see it “on the cover”, it comes in spiral-binding and an extended folded cover so you can easily place it in a standing position beside your yoga mat when you actually want to practice what’s inside.
The book is wonderfully aligned with the teachings I have received in person. It describes in sensible and accessible language basic principles of practice. It introduces, from the start, breathing with movement. Postures are described with emphasis on how to make them effective & safe and with variations that everybody can do! The postures are also integrated into sequence practices that are gradually developed throughout the book. The book is filled with excellent images of real people doing real postures that everybody can really do!
It’s been almost two weeks now that I’ve been enjoying a fairly regular practice routine – it’s still building, still taking shape but it’s presence is stabilizing. It was interesting for me to observe a cycle over 3+ months as I moved away from and back towards a practice.
Practice >> Wanting to Practice >> Wanting Food
The journey started with an abrupt break in practice. It happened when we first acted on our decision to move to Romania. I remember that on the first day that we started taking things apart and packing, something about the energy changed from a home into a house – it was no longer our place. For a couple of weeks we managed to keep the Yoga room clean and quiet – but I didn’t visit it anymore. I wanted to practice but couldn’t find it – I was preoccupied and the rest of the house was degenerating into an inevitable mess. I couldn’t settle into practice.
The days flew by and the movement intensified, things began to leave us and some of the obvious day-to-day patterns became more challenging – some had to be completely surrendered. The new challenge was maintaining a correct effort in the face of change. There were many things to do and many attachments to undo. Some days were physically tiring and some days were emotionally draining. We had to stay tuned to ourselves and to each other – we had to make a conscious decision to stop and rest or call it a day. When we didn’t we became unpleasant inside and towards each other. Practice was not really on my mind – life was enough of a practice.
Towards the end of the leaving-phase of the journey we were guests at my parents home, tending to final arrangements and all I really wanted was to pad my days with peace and quiet and nourishing food.
Wanting Food >> Wanting to Practice >> Practice
When the actual journey began, getting nourishing food on time was a practice. Food was a first priority and a backdrop for everything else. When we first arrived at our hostel in Romania we purchased basic groceries for at least a decent breakfast. The rest of the meals were usually ad-hoc and on the move as we were again making arrangements and looking for an apartment.
When we moved into the apartment most of our expenses were (as planned) kitchen related – we got everything we needed to quickly get back to home cooked food. We quickly transitioned to shopping for naturally grown food in the markets instead of industrialized food in supermarkets (there is plenty of both). The markets are a vegetarian heaven and we are really enjoying the food (though we consume much less fresh vegetables then we used to). Good rice and lentils are surprisingly hard to find (or ridiculously expensive). But I digress … my point is that food was the main issue.
Only after there was good food did I started having thoughts about resuming practice – though practice didn’t come immediately. It took some time. The first semblance of practice was when I began sitting down for short Shakuhachi sessions – sound was the first element I could access as a meditation. I don’t know if it’s directly related – but I first got on the mat for some asana practice the day after our boxes arrived from Israel and in them I found the Yoga-blocks I needed for sitting.
Since then practice has been calling to me more often. Pranayama is the practice that calls out to me most and has been my most regular practice. Asana practice is also present, fairly regularly but not as much as Pranayama and not yet in full capacity. Most of my Pranayama practices are followed by 10-15 minutes of Dharana. I am looking forward to more regulated days as an extension of my (mostly) morning practices. I am looking forward to more regulated hunger, which I hope will lead to additional practice spaces during the day.
Neither Andreea nor I practice any religion. Actually … I religiously stay away from anything religious (I am a bit harsher on these things then Andreea). Yet we do Christmas. It began in Israel when Andreea would get a holiday blues around the time of Christmas. So we got a small potted tree that only looked like a Christmas tree and grew with us over a few years (we left it planted near the last house we occupied in Israel) and some decorations.
Eventually I asked Andreea what the tree “officially” symbolizes – and she couldn’t tell me and we looked it up. We found that it may very well be rooted in pagan traditions, and that Christian authorities piggy-backed on it for their own needs. So we did some picking and choosing and created our own symbology for it.
Bringing a tree in-doors keeps us in touch with qualities of nature that surround us. Nature is resilient and abundant. Nature supports us. Nature changes and adapts softly and peacefully, even when facing harsh conditions. Nature peacefully brings together life and death in a neverending cycle of regeneration. All of these qualities and more permeate into our consciousness and walls by bringing a tree into our home.
Ecologically it is a bummer to see all these trees cut, used and then tossed out like garbage. From what we know, at least here in Romania, the cutting of trees is (surprisingly) highly regulated and what is sold is actually just the tops of the trees (which hopefully grow back, maybe even more rejuvenated?). Personally, once we move into our permanent home, we will resume a practice we started in Israel of growing a tree over years and then planting it outside when it is too large and mature to have in the house.
A few days ago I had my first amusing experience of carrying a tree home through the city. We didn’t see anyone else doing it (last year in Romania, most of the Christmas trees we saw in homes we visited were small plastic trees – which really don’t sit well with our symbology – fake is not a quality we are looking to bring into our lives) – so I felt a little like a celebrity. Quite a few people asked us where we got and how muh we payed for it – of course everyone turned to me to ask and, given my limited Romanian vocabulary, I had to send everyone to Andreea for further inquiries. Oh … and one last thing … it is much easier to navigate a city with a Christmas tree carrying the root end first – that way the branches gracefully foldl away from any obstacles instead of relentlessly hooking onto everything and everyone.
This brilliant album was (still is) playing in my ears for the first time as I was writing the previous post. It’s an album based on or inspired by John Coltrane‘s album by the same name. I found this great looking and sounding video of a brilliant live recording. Amazing to see a seemingly simple drum roll build and deliver a clear burst of energy and create an opening. It’s been a long long time since I’ve been to a good jazz concert (and I haven’t been to many) – maybe now that we are in Europe there will be more opportunities for this?
Audacity is an open-source audio-editing program that I use on Ubuntu to lightly to edit some of my Shakuhachi recordings. It comes with a collection of filters which can be used for all kinds of effects – but on Ubuntu (and apparently all Linux distributions) it doesn’t come with a reverb filter which I like to occasionally use. Fortunately there is a reverb-filter which is also open-source and freely available – unfortunately installing it and using it causes too much unnecessary suffering.
Yesterday I had to go through this painful process again and fortunately I came across two simple solutions to both installation and using it – so I thought to make a note of it for myself for future reference.
Installation
LADSPA is some kind of standard protocol for audio filters (used by many other audio editing programs). The reverb effect is part of a large set of LADSPA filters which are installed as a set. Installing them should be as easy as downloading them and placing them in a certain folder – for the life of me I couldn’t figure out where that folder is. Most of the instructions I found seem to be for either outdated versions of either the filter set or Ubuntu.
I did however come across (here) an easy to use command-line installation which worked like magic (which I’m guessing means that the filters are somewhere in the official Ubuntu repositories). It installs an over-sized set of filters one of which is Gverb which is the one I was looking for:
The filter itself is a horrific set of of parameters which you have to be either a software engineer and/or a sound engineer to figure out.
I am neither – luckily I found these settings which worked great for me. If you have more refined audio-requirements then I do – you can probably use these setting as a good point of departure for exploring other variations:
room size: 100
reverb time: 3.5
damping: .5
input bandwidth: .75
dry signal level: -1.5
early reflection level: -22
tail level: -22
I also came across this page (which I haven’t yet read) which seems to give some insight into what reverb is and how to about shaping it.
Previewing Tips
It really helps to be able to sample what the filter will do which is what preview does. Unfortunately the default configuration for preview is pretty useless – it’s too short ( just a few seconds) and starts at the beginning of the track. There are two things I did to benefit from a more useful preview.
First extend the duration of the preview to something like 20 or seconds. To do this simply go to “Edit -> Preferences -> Playback” and set the “Length of preview” to a longer duration:
Then before opening the filter select a portion of the sound-track you wish to preview:
WARNING: When you’ve found the reverb effect setting you like DO NOT click OK in the filter dialogue (see above) as that will apply the filter ONLY to the selected area (unless that is what you want). So far I have applied the effect to the entire track. To do this you need to close the filter dialogue (it will remember your settings), then select the entire track and re-open the filter window to actually apply it.
Sample Recording
You can listen to a sample recording I created with exactly these settings.
… I am thinking of food-markets, specifically Romanian food-markets. I’ve visited such markets numerous times in two Romanian cities: in Piatra Neamt (north-east Romania) and now in Cluj-Napoca (north-west) where I live. I’m usually there to shop for food though today I also purchased a (first time for me ever) Christmas tree.
Cluj-Napoca is a much larger city then Piatra Neamt. It has one large market in the city center and two other smaller markets in other areas of town. It’s “market energy” seems to be divided between these markets. The smaller ones have a limited offering and are slightly more expensive then the large market – but they have location working for them. The central market is larger, more diverse (has the lapte-lapte-lapte shop), competitive … generally more dynamic. But even the large market is disappointing compared to the market in Piatra Neamt (keeping in mind that the Neamt area in the east is considered economically weaker and less developed then the west). Today we got a wonderful Christmas tree (more on that in a separate post) and even the ad-hoc tree-market (set right outside the food-market) was disappointing compared to Piatra Neamt.
Piatra Neamt is a smaller city and is geographically built around one city-center. It has one large-market in the center. I remember it as being physically larger then the one in Cluj and Andreea (who visited there a few weeks ago) confirmed that it has more variety and much (30%-50%) cheaper prices (though prices may reflect east-west differences). Last year, also located right outside the food-market, there was an impressive variety of Christmas trees – far more impressive then the small offering we saw today in Cluj.
When we got home some thoughts appeared around these differences – they reminded me of Yoga’s core idea of qualities of energy. The “market energy” in Cluj is diffused and weak compared to the condensed energy of Piatra-Neamt. I wonder if this kind of perspective can shed light on more complex systems and social structures such as cities and villages … and self-sustaining homes, or even commercial structures – such as Romanian markets, industrialized super-markets … and small productive communities.
In an individual person (which is the focus of the science of Yoga) condensed energy is better then diffused energy. Diffused energy is a state of illness, condensed energy a state of health & strength. Yet it is also possible to abuse Yoga practices and to generate energy that is too condensed – to the point that it can’t be contained and it burns from within. When I am in the city (as I am now – temporarily) I can feel in my body the density, commotion … there is too much vibration … there is too little space for settling. I wonder if in some ways cities have become too condensed and too intense to contain and give expression to human life. I wonder if the economical break-downs all around the world are expressions of systems that have also become too condensed, that the exaggerated heat is melting the foundations which are giving way and causing the systems they support to collapse.
The industrial revolution which carried us through the 20th century was in the spirit of growth, expansion – an age of quantity. Is it not sensible that the next era (for such industrialized societies) should be one of settling and gathering – an age of quality?
This blog has been running for over 3 years. It’s center of gravity has shifted numerous times as has mine. Yet over the last two years I’ve let Yoga insinuate itself into many parts of it – including ~150 posts dedicated to teachings of Yoga as I have receive them and as they reflect through me. There have been two motivations to this process – one internal (it’s what I want to do) and the second is external sharing – I feel I’ve been blessed with rare and quality teachings and that these teachings need to keep moving.
Yet one thing I haven’t pursued with focus is interaction. Not for lack of wanting – I simply could not find a context and mode of interaction where I could effectively share and teach. Yoga is mostly about practice. I cannot teach Asana without physical presence and contact and I am not (yet?) inclined to teaching theory or philosophy. My thoughts continued to travel until they came onto the shores of Pranayama breathing practices. I’ve published some posts on breathing in general and on Pranayama – including breath & movement, structured breathing and breathing techniques – little did I know that as I was writing them I was sowing the seeds that would one day grow into an online offering.
That day has finally come. I am happy to present and offer iBreath – an individual, personalized, in-depth, long term and hopefully affordable setting for learning and practicing Pranayama.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Marianne Elliott who’s 30 Days of Yoga inspired some of the practical issues I needed to address in order to make iBreathe possible.
It’s been years since I’ve had these wafers in my mouth or on my mind … until these ready-made wafers caught my eye in the supermarket. I spoke to my grandmother and asked her how she made these into delicious wafers. The recipe is simple but a far cry from health food … but so delicious. These images are here for my grandmother to see what happened after we spoke.
As instructed I tossed everything into the pot and cooked into into a thick paste.
As I poured on the first layer onto the wafer I realized (actually Andreea realized first) there was nowhere near enough to create 3 or 4 layers.
Indeed it was enough for only two layers.
So I cut the spread wafers in two and piled them one on top of the other and covered them with another half-wafer.
I then wrapped it all in tin-foil and put some weight on it for half a day.
Then this evening, as I was making us a herbal tea I unwrapped the package and this is what I found.
I cut them up like I remember my grandmother used to.
… and voila 🙂
delicious 🙂
Update: Recipe
150 grams of ground nuts & peanuts
3/4 cup of honey
200 grams of margarine (I used butter)
1 spoon of Cocoa
1 spoon of Rum baking essence.
All cooked together for 10-15 minutes and then spread on the wafers 🙂
The following images are snapshots from a (~30 minute) walk we took from our apartment building to Iulius mall to do some shopping. They are snapshots intended to relay the day-to-day qualities of walking in a part of Cluj-Napoca. See if you can post the traffic sign that I can only guess means something like “When you see Jesus make way for yellow cars driving down the middle of the road” 🙂
We missed the fall colors this year – so I am looking forward to seeing it next year 🙂 We went for a stroll through the Botanical Gardens which, like most everything else here, are humbly pleasant. The gardens include a greenhouse structure which brought a smile to my face – the entrace reminded me of an out-dated school hall and the plants reminded me of the usual plants you come across in Israeli homes 🙂
Personal Disclaimer: I am not a fan of communities. It may be my understanding of “community” that is unclear – but it is what it is. I’ve been rejected by many communities most of my life. Most of the communities I have experienced were aggressive towards and threatened by my personal sense of freedom. For many years this led me into a false belief that I am not a people person, it has taken me a long time to realize that community does not equal people. People I like and I can do, communities I don’t.
What is OMCru?
Over recent months I encountered on Twitter an inspiring phenomenon called the Online Meditation Crew which can be found on Twitter using the hashtag #OMCru. People affiliated with this stream announce when they are going to sit down for a short meditation so that others may join them – thus fostering group meditations. I really liked the concept though until recently I never got a chance to participate because it seems to be happening way out of my time zone. Then a couple of months ago I lucked out and ran into a meditation checkin by @shuliji (who indirectly introduced me to OMCru). I came out of the meditation with a flood of thoughts for a web-service based inspired by OMCru. I have since reached out to the founder of OMCru to share my thoughts and yesterday when I tweeted about it – I was ambushed. Coming from meditators made it soft – but it was an ambush.
Systems
Yesterday’s swift flood made it clear to me that there is no point in talking to or about an OMCru “community” – there are too many diverse voices, personalities, qualities and motivations participating in it for me to relate to it as a whole. Yet there is an OMCru System in place and my thoughts pertain to it rather then to it’s members. As a precursor to my thoughts I am calling on another precious resource also introduced to me by @shuliji. Following is a video by Dominic Barter of Restorative Circles that wonderfully explains and demonstrates an understanding of “system” that I embrace:
I suffer from an opposite symptom to Dominic’s “System Blindness” – I am prone to “System Brightness” – systems shout out to me and many times the underlying is so powerful that I cannot benefit from the system itself. So I am going to apply my “System Brightness” to OMCru. There are numerous underlying assumptions of order that drive the OMCru system – such as:
To use it you must use Twitter. It is also useful to be an advanced Twitter user – you need to know what hashtags are and how to use them if you want to stay intune with the OMCru stream.
To join a meditation you must either connect to a daily scheduled meditation or be with Twitter on you at all times (or at least around the time you want to meditate) – to see who’s meditating now.
You are awake and active in or near a USA/Canada time-zone which is where the core and most of OMCru meditation originate.
You can meditate on your own.
You can time your meditations.
… and the list probably goes on and on with gross and subtle assumptions that define the system. Some of the assumptions are inherited from people/ group dynamics and others are inherited from technological dynamics. It is the technological dynamics of it that I don’t like and, in the spirit of Dominic Barter, “are not serving me well”.
For Me the OMCru System Sucks
I don’t live with Twitter – I review it only occassionaly. Twitter can easily generate too much noise for my liking. I don’t have mobile internet at all.
I live in Europe – which means that most of the (current) OMCru meditation activity takes place when I sleep.
My scheduled meditations take place within a wider practice – which does not include sending updates to Twitter.
My spontaneous meditations usually meet a thin or silent OMCru stream.
I like my Twitter stream concise and clean. The OMCru dynamics make an awful mess. Yesterday I encountered a person from the OMCru stream that appealed to me and I wanted to follow. I hesitated to do so because that would bring more useless OMCru noise into my stream.
I had some thoughts to share with the community – but there was no where to share them (and finally put them up in this post).
For Me the OMCru Idea Rocks
It was just a few days ago that I managed to see beyond the obstacles of the OMCru system and to reconnect with it’s core inspiration. Even though I don’t participate in OMCru meditations it is present with me. I love knowing that many others are engaged in meditation. “System Brightness” tells me that is a system that can bring clarity to the world. I realized that I partake in it even if I don’t meditate with others at the same time. I realized that I partake in it even without meditating, by just witnessing it. Then I realized that my Shakuhachi meditations are a part of it – and I even indulged in sending shoutouts on Twitter. Then I remembered the flood of thoughts that came to me after my first and only OMCru group meditation. They are NOT meant to do anything to an OMCru Community – they ARE intended to improve the OMCru System.
Imagine a web-site where you can join or create meditations:
You could see a list of upcoming meditations and the people who will be participating in them.
You could be reminded (by Twitter, Email or a nifty mobile application) of upcoming meditations.
That nifty mobile application could also signal you gently when a meditation begins and ends.
You could create a spontaneous or planned meditation, you could invite others to it – you could even give it a theme (a word, a thought, a color, an image, a sound …).
You could offer or partake in a voice guided meditation.
You could make a note of reflection after a meditation and/or share with others – in a unique form of dialoge which lends itself to peaceful attention.
Eventually you could review your meditation history – your reflections, the people you’ve spent time with, etc.
All of this, I believe, would make it easier for the OMCru idea to spread, to reach more people (including me), to create more opportunities for connection, to facilitate a cleaner means of communicating and coming together. In addition it would make it possibl to experience a “bigger picture” of what is happening:
You could see a map of the world with indications of meditations taking place all over.
You could see how much meditation has happened & how many people have meditated in the last 24 hours, week, year … or since the inception of the system.
You could see where in the world meditation is established and where new seeds are growing.
You could effortlessly organize and coordinate large meditation events.
Anyways … these are just some of my thoughts and my intention was (and remains) to share them in the hope of collaborating with others to transform them into a good working system, to support and nurture the OMCru idea.
Unhealthy Systems
Systems (and communities!) tend to become self propagating – which can cause them to lose sight of the values and ideas they are intended to serve. They can become so self-serving that they can even work against their purposes – this is a state of illness. I was surprised by the mass of defensive reactions in the spirit of “We like our community, don’t change it” I received yesterday. I was disappointed by the absence of curiosity.
This is my first shakuhachi recording in Romania. I’ve recently associated some of my meditative Shakuhachi sessions with the building resonance of the Online Meditation Crew (blog, Twitter stream).
I hear in it coming and going, still arriving, edgy, confident … it reflects how I feel – still coming together in a new place on the planet.
on Amazon 🙂
