“The nagual is the part of us which we do not deal with at all ... At the time of birth, and for a while after, we are all nagual. We sense, then that in order to function we need a counterpart to what we have. The tonal is missing and that gives us, from the very beginning, a feeling of incompleteness. Then the tonal starts to develop and it becomes utterly important to our functioning, so important that it opaques the shine of the nagual, it overwhelms it. From the moment we become all tonal we do nothing else but to increment that old feeling of incompleteness which accompanies us from the moment of our birth and whichs tells us constantly that there is another part to give us completeness”
Carlos Castaneda

Tales of Power

Arriving

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I recently had the pleasure of performing with Shlomit again – this time in a small and intimate gallery in Jerusalem. The performance was an invitation to respond to the space itself and to the exhibition that it contained. It had been a long physical and metaphysical journey that brought me to this performance. In the end it was my simple wish to immerse myself again (it has been a while) in a creative bubble that motivated me to set out and complete the journey. I am glad I did.

Ironically, especially now as I read the words I have written, the highlight of the evening was for me before the performance itself. I usually prefer to get the technical setup done and then take time to myself. An electrical outlet changed those plans – I now had to wait for the electrician. So I laid down on the floor, on my back, and spent some time settling. When my body felt the need to move I let it, and soon I was again lying on the floor face down, my left cheek touching the floor, my arm partly obstructing my view. Then it happened.

I think that for the first time in my life I was conscious of arriving. It was as if the blinking of my eyelids came to a stop and sight became still. It was as if a comet trail I left behind me finally caught up with me and I came into focus. I do not recall sounds – everything went quiet. Someone moved through my field of vision, yet my attention did not follow. All my senses felt open yet steadily turned inwards. I was in peaceful awe. Though I feel this is a familiar experience – I don’t recall being so aware of it before.

I cannot say much about the performance itself and I don’t really want to. I can say that for the first time I was completely free – even from, and maybe especially from, photography. I was not looking for images, I was completely in a performance body dancing (no point in avoiding that word anymore) with Shlomit. I, also for the first time in a performance, played my Shakuhachi – and it too was so kind to me, sounds came with ease. I did not see the images that I took and were projected into the space, and I have not even downloaded them from the camera. Even in this writing, I have no motivation to go through a process of photography to display and share images.

After the performance Andreea and I went to a wonderful japanese restaurant. My body was warm and overheating – I removed all but one layer of clothing in the cool Jerusalem weather. As we sat down Radiohead’s “House of Cards” was playing in the background and I felt as if I was sinking into it. When I took the first spoonful of warm soup my eyes closed and my entire body embraced it like it rarely does anymore. The experience of flavor was refreshing and new. With my hunger satisfied we began the journey back home. I was alert and awake despite the late hour.

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