Outside not much is going on, inside so much is going on
I am not inclined to do much writing … its actually not the writing that I am not inclined to do, but the thought organization required for writing
I do want to put down this bookmark for me to remember this point in time
Physical life is mostly peaceful
Emotional life is on the edge
I feel as if I’ve used myself up, there is very littlespace left before my emotional container overflows … that is where I am and have been for some months
I am taking care of myself and for now … that means I am giving less care to others
I do not have much space to contain others, I do not want to contain or compensate for anyone else
… and so some things that I kept together are now on shaky ground
it’s an honest life, not pleasant, definitely not easy … there is also relief
the more I continue on my path through life the more I am struck by what a lousy bag of ideas I was handed to make my way through life
not a criticism, but an observation … the ideas have been failing for a long time, and what few remain in-tact are also failing
society, despite all it’s superficial comfort achievements, has done a shit job
commonly-accepted views on life, nature, relationships, spirituality are superficial false promises used to cover up empty shells
my life has carried me through an unrelenting inquiry into these views, exposing their emptiness leaving me naked to finding my own way
it is a poweful journey, if I’ve been gifted with a purpose this must be it
though sometimes, like now, it would be nice if some ideas could be more resilient, giving me something to lean on for just a little longer …
but that isn’t the case, never has been …
right now I want to stay away from the edge
but the edge seems to love me
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