“It is the introspective worry itself which we might interpret as vrtta and which splits up experience into an anthill of particles.”
James Hillman

Kundalini – The Evolutionary Energy in Man

9 to 5

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The days are rolling by quickly. By this time next week we will have left our house to be at my parents place until we fly to Romania on November 8th. Yesterday was a major milestone when a first truck left with a lot of our things to a friend who purchased some of our things. Amongst the things that went on the truck are 9 boxes containing 165kg of our possessions – mostly books – that will be shipped to Romania (my friend will ship them to us once we have an address). That together with 3 suitcases and some hand luggage is all that remains of our possessions. Everything else was sold or given.

Selling our things was an awkward experience. We had originally planned to send a larger shipment by sea, but it was prohibitively expensive. Most of our things are functional and valuable to us but not expensive. After some checking we realized we would be better off purchasing the basic things we need in Romania rather then shipping them from Israel. So we ended up selling lots of stuff – almost everything. There is an unpleasant side to it when we realized that the things that were so useful and valuable to us translate into a few thousand dollars- the monetary value has very little correlation to their true value. Fortunately most of our stuff went to people who will benefit from it greatly – which left us feeling good – knowing that not just our possessions but our values are carrying on as well.

Every time something left our house it left us with mixed emotions – there was apparent attachment which was left hanging – and then there was a refreshing feeling, an empty space which is now available for new things, possessions, values and experiences. Every movement was/is a reminder that the day of our departure is nearing – an idea is becoming a reality, a wish is coming true in unexpected ways (as has been my experience with wishes).

Many small things are happening for the last time – many small endings. It’s funny how poignant they are when they occur and yet I am having a hard time recalling them now. There are so many small and obvious things in life that go unnoticed – until they are projected against a sensitive screen – this time an ending screen –  where they  light up like fireworks – and disappear … forever. I suppose that every moment is like that – they are so just more noticeable now. They shimmer – they demand attention, a final recognition.

In the midst of this transition death visited our family. It was my first conscious and rather intimate meeting with death. It was a prolonged decay due to cancer – so it was a journey – not just a sudden event. Death gifted me with a few magical moments – it confirmed the futility of my wonderful existence. It strengthened me – it was a shining and bright indicator that I am on my path and it patted me on the back and said “carry on, stay true”. It was pure.

Living these past few weeks (and quite a few weeks to come) is a practice. There has been too much movement, mess and dirt for me to engage my practices. On a few mornings I was blessed with some Shakuhachi playing which feels in tune. I am pleased with the way I and we have moved through this period. We have been moving forward steadily, there seem to me a millions things to do, many of them emotionally draining. We are quick to recognize when we are full and when we are empty. We are sensitive to ourselves and to each other. We are able to work independently and together. We are able to sense friction and disengage peacefully. We know when to rest. We know what needs to be done. We know how to face the things we don’t know – and we have the facilities to wait them out. Most things have worked out smoothly and easily for us.

We are confident and we are vital. I remember a few times when I was preparing for travel – I got excited, I was able to stay vital, I wasn’t bothered by late-night / early morning flights – I stayed awake for two days straight. Well we’ve been like that for over 3 weeks. We wake up and arise early in the morning, we take our time, enjoy a few quiet hours together and then get on with our days. We sleep 9 to 5 🙂

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