“The music is in effect telling us about a future existence in which love and cooperation have placed strife and oppression. Once we have achieved a glimpse of that future state, our present mode of life becomes increasingly intolerable: who could be satisfied with prison after having breathed the sweet air of true freedom?”
Frank Kofsky

Coltrane - The Story of a Sound

Three Day Reset

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There seems to be a recurring pattern in a kind of energy cycle that I occassionaly to through.

The day before yesterday a heaviness and boredom set in me. I felt tired and unmotivated to do anything … to be. I didn’te’t fight it. I stayed with it and witnessed it … I waited to see if there is anything that wants to be. I wondered if some movement outside would do me good so I cut some wood and it was ok but the slightly refreshng effect didn’t last long. It was primarily an emotional experience.

Then yesterday it became physical. I spent most of the day with a slight-enough-to-annoy headache coming from somewhere in my right temple. It came with a general sense of agitation and restlesness. The overall sensation was of an unpleasant experience inhabiting my own body. That triggers an old emotional pattern – wanting to die. It leads to an ironically integrative emotional experience. On the one hand this emotional voice “wanting to die” and on the other hand a seemingly sober second voice that knows the temporariness of the first voice. Still I feel I need to live witin a delicate balance on such days. A downward emotional spiral can be triggered.

I woke up in the early hours of this morning with my right temple throbbing. It required what seemed liked a long period of time to be able to contain not just the pain but the impulses to act wrongly on it. Eventually I found sleep again and woke up later feeling better … even refreshed. Refreshed enough to write!I can speculate about what triggers this but I can’t really know. I sometimes wonder it the trigger comes from my own life. I do know that it is a recurring pattern. It is an unpleasant experience and yet it feels, especially in retrospect like a cleansing. As if a subtle disturbance finds its way out of my energy system. It almost always occupies that same time frame (three days from disturbance to clarity). It can take on different physical manifestations – a backache, a headache, lack of appetitate or digestive disturbance … but it always finds a physical way out.

This entry was posted in Fragments, inside, Yoga, Yoga & I. You are welcome to read 3 comments and to add yours

One Comment

  1. Posted October 20, 2014 at 12:29 am | Permalink

    I felt moved to share that I too have similar experiences to what you are describing, although I don’t think I have thought them as succinctly as you. Boredom has long been one of my triggers, which is really about existential anxiety. When I ruminate I over identify with the thoughts and fear being pulled under by whatever emotions are beneath the boredom. As you say, time and awareness are the graces of my malady. I admire your tracking yourself and letting the experience move through you, I hope to give this a shot next time I get triggered and perhaps reframe the experience into a cleansing.

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